Challenges and Success!

Before we get into the challenging stuff I faced while growing up with a hearing loss, I wanted to share how much I truly enjoyed going to school.  I was always excited when I had to do big projects, especially anything that included art.  I was a perfectionist!  My work had to be 100%. Call me OCD, but if I noticed a little mistake, it had to be fixed.  I wanted to be better than everyone, especially my dad.  I was really hard on myself. I loved being involved with academics and extracurricular activities, and being with my friends. I felt that I had great rapport with all of my teachers.  I have had some of the best friends, that I still keep in touch with to this day.  I like to shout out to some of these ladies:  Taylor (Walls) Carr, Whitney Weaver, Trista (Criner) Thompson, Faezeh Ghassemi, Amy Corbin, Stacy (Ludington) Snider, LaTasha Davis, Samantha (Jean) McClellan, and Erika Reid.  In spite of our busy lives, these ladies always hold a special place in my heart.  Regardless of the challenges I was facing, they were still there for me, and reminded me not to let my hearing loss get in the way of my accomplishments.  I always strived to do my hardest and to become the best of the best.  I always had excellent grades, passed state-wide testing, and many more.  Most of my teachers always recalled me as the happy, always smiling, blue-eyed girl.  They never once doubted me and always challenged me.  

I feel that we all have gone through challenges growing up.  In spite of the challenges I experienced, I never let it stopped me from growing and learning to become who I am today.  

Feeling accepted was a challenge I faced growing up. Keep in mind that I was often the only one with a hearing loss in my school.  There were a few times when there was another person in the same school as me with a hearing loss, but that was my younger brother, a transferred student, or my childhood best friend, Taylor, who is five years older than me.  I was in Kindergarten when Taylor and I were in the same elementary school. She was in fifth grade, soon to move into the middle school building the following year.  Then when I was in fourth grade, my younger brother, Josh,  started kindergarten (Remember I mentioned in the first blog that I had a brother with a hearing loss… this is him.) Josh and I were only in the same school for two years.  He had similar experience as me being the only one in his school with a hearing loss. In the middle of my fifth grade year, a student transferred in my class and we became really close.  His name was Justin.  We had some of the same classes,  until he moved after sixth grade; then I was all by myself again and this remained until I graduated high school. 

I think being the only one who was deaf in school was the biggest challenge I’ve ever faced.  However, that didn't stop me from making new friends! Sometimes, I catch  myself thinking what life would be like if I had been involved with more Deaf/Hard of Hearing individuals, in a self-contained classroom with other students like me,  or at a residential school. I know that my parents and Miss. Connie talked about the pros and cons of attending to Virginia School for the Deaf and Blind a few times.  Since I was able to communicate independently without an interpreter with my teachers and peers,  involved with school, extracurricular activities, succeeding in school, they felt that the best place for me was to stay in my neighborhood school.  I'm grateful and felt like they made the perfect decision.  It's times I wonder what it would be like if I was at a school like Virginia School for the Deaf and Blind, but I wouldn't change anything in my past because I may not be where I stand today. 

I know that my parents and Miss. Connie often tried to get people together as a little gathering for other students like me to meet each other.  I remember doing bowling events, swimming events, going out to eat, meeting up at the park, etc.  I remember there have been moments and endless conversations with my little brother about the things we struggle with due to  hearing loss.  We often find ourselves isolated in large family gatherings, or just sitting at the dinner table nodding and pretending to understand what’s going on. He may not be as involved within the Deaf community or accept his hearing loss the way I accept mine, but we  have each other’s backs. I’m truly fortunate to have this goober in my life.

Other than having my little brother around, I would have to say Taylor was my only go-to person and my best friend. She was the only one I could relate to until I moved to New York.  She was always there to listen to me and could to this day, I cannot go a day without thinking of her.  We have been through so much together.  It wasn’t until I went to New York when I started accepting my identity and felt 100% okay being deaf.  I found people my age with very similar experiences as me.  I developed amazing relationships with these people that are much stronger than my friends in high school (not dissing Taylor or any of my middle and high school ladies that I still keep in touch with these days).  I always had friends that could understand and “sympathize” with me when I became easily frustrated and wished that I weren’t deaf, but they never truly understood.  My friends that I met at RIT and Gallaudet are the ones that I truly connect with.

I often have to remind myself that everything happened for a reason.  I was very involved with the hearing world–I believe that I have the best of both worlds; I can switch back and forth.  Sometimes, I feel like I don’t belong in either world and that I’m just sitting on the fence.  Because I’m not completely and culturally Deaf, I’m not 100% in the Deaf World. However, I can sign and  I was very involved while I was at RIT and Gallaudet University.  I’m not hearing, but I can speak clearly enough that people usually forget the fact I have a hearing loss.

There was a time when a few classmates that made fun of me and my amplification devices.  I think I must have heard it all! (no pun intended!)

“Ohhh! Look at that deaf girl! She has those funny things in her ears.  Look at that stupid ugly box that is strapped onto her body.  The teachers have to use a microphone so she can hear better, that’s ridiculous! She can’t do anything because she can’t hear.  She can’t possibly understand anything.  Look at her hands flopping and flying around. Stay away from her because she’ll make you become deaf.”

I recently learned  that the teasing from my classmates was because they were jealous and were most likely going through some personal issues.  It turns out that one of them wanted to wear the same amplification devices I had as jewelry!!

Hey look!  There is Stacy (dark blue shirt), Ms. Ptak and Erika (middle; black shirt).  I mentioned their names at the beginning of this post.

I had some classmates that mocked sign language and talked to me like I was incompetent. Again, this was another time.  This was never really a constant battle growing up.  It wasn’t until middle and high school when cliques were developing and I felt like an outsider [I now understand that this is what almost everyone goes through during that time].  I had a couple of friends and they were my best friends.  They took the time to get to know me and learn how to sign in order to better our communication.  In fact, my interpreter I had in middle school, Mr. Thomas, was everyone’s pal.  We had a very tight relationship and I have to give him a lot of props for helping me inspire other students in my class to learn sign language. In high school, we had the opportunity in taking American Sign Language as a foreign language credit.  Those who took ASL classes were the ones I felt most comfortable with.  They were able to look beyond the fact that I had a hearing loss and get to know me.  During our ASL classes,  we learned not only the language itself, but we had the opportunity to learn about  Deaf culture and take trips to Gallaudet University and the Virginia School for the Deaf and Blind.

My hardest year in high school was my sophomore year.  There was a big fiasco with a bully or two or more (to be honest, I’m not even sure this situation was ever resolved…). I was on the cheerleading team (I was involved with sideline cheerleading and competition cheerleading from 8th grade until my senior year) and I never felt truly accepted on that team.  There were a few girls that I got along well with, but I guess we all know that cheerleaders can be a little catty.  For a couple of months, I was getting anonymous notes in my locker telling me that I didn’t belong on the cheerleading team because I wasn’t skinny enough, that I didn’t belong in that school because I was deaf, and so forth.  Honestly, I think this mainly targeted me being on the cheerleading team more than having a hearing loss. This didn’t settle well on my end as it began a downward spiral.  Then one day, it all stopped.  I have to thank the administration for taking care of this!  The beauty of this situation was the support I had throughout my junior year.  This was also the year that was a constant battle with multiple high school teachers that never looked at my IEP and abide the accommodations required for my success.  This was a big year for me as I learned how to stand up for myself.  I worked with several teachers in researching and learning about the ADA law, understanding my IEP and how it protects me, and how to advocate for myself.

I was very involved with things outside of school.  Not only I was involved with cheerleading and being an officer for the ASL club, I took up piano lessons and was involved with Girl Scouts.  Yes– you read that right.  Me, a deaf person, took up piano lessons. I know what you’re thinking… “But how?  You can’t hear those notes!” I took piano lessons for four years. I really enjoyed playing the piano.  My great grandmother purchased me a keyboard and I taught myself some basics.  I was the one that had stickers that label each keys with the sharps and flats along with it. I used simple piano books with each notes labeled. I taught myself how to play some simple songs. That’s when my parents enrolled me in private lessons. I think the hardest thing for me with the piano was keeping up with the tempo and rhythm.  I had to really teach myself to count the beats as I was playing the piano.  This helped me master the skill of being able to think about one thing and do other multiple things with both hands. The reason I stopped taking piano lessons was because I got involved with cheerleading and Girl Scouts.  

Speaking of Girl Scouts, I was VERY involved with it.  I started out as a Daisy and completed the Gold Award, which is the highest award you can get in Girl Scouts.  Looking back, I realized I never had an interpreter at my girl scout meetings, assemblies or camps. I’m not sure why we never looked into it, but I know I did okay with it because it was such a small group compared to a classroom setting.  As I got older, my troop became smaller.  I think there were only 4 of us left at the end that completed the Gold Award. I know my BIGGEST challenge with girl scouting was camping. First, just like almost any child, I hated being away from home.  As much as I loved being involved with the activities, such as swimming, enjoying the campfire, and spending time with some of my friends, I hated camp sometimes.  I never could wear my hearing aids in the pool, which made it hard for me and the other girls to communicate.  Luckily, I knew how to lipread, but that was something else I had to teach them- to make sure they got my attention and looked at me when they talked.  Most of the girls got used to it and knew.  As night time rolled in,  I always tried to find a way to go to bed early.  I knew I wasn’t going to understand the girls around me. I only knew the songs we were going to sing, but that was it.  I remember hearing all the girls chatting and giggling and I was always feeling the odd one out. In spite of these challenges, I still managed to have a good time.  I’m truly proud of myself for sticking with it and completing the highest award in Girl Scouts.

In a nutshell, for the Gold Award, you have to do a project and give back to the community.  I worked with one of my girl scout leaders, and because I had to pick someone else to be the “advisor” for my project, I picked Connie Ritchie.  Working with her helped me decide to make big kits for those with sensory integration issues.  Working with Miss Connie, friends, and family members, we made 5 large kits that contained a variety of things.  These consisted of different textured bean bags, weighted blankets with various activities (tying, buttoning buttons, threading string, unsnapping buttons, velcro, zippers, etc.), kool aid playdough, containers of sand with little toys in them, and so forth.  These things help students get their brains to work in a certain way so they can focus on their academic needs in the classroom. After compiling all these into 5 separate kits, I donated it to the Special Education Program of Montgomery County.

All together, these challenges helped me discover who I truly am and helped me be happy with what I found.  I consider these challenges to be my success stories, and I share them with others, especially my current students.  That’s the beauty of my job as an itinerant teacher and working in the Deaf/Hard of Hearing community.  Most of my students are the only ones in their classes,  or in their schools,  with a hearing loss. I love what I do and teach my students.  I not only focus on their academic needs, but I can relate to them in so many ways, because I was in their shoes growing up.  

It’s moments and thoughts like this that makes me truly blessed.